How to become a Nicaraguan Resident

Step 1: Pay C$30 to the bank to get a receipt for a police report

Step 2: Spend half a day waiting in line to get your police report

Step 3: Go to the clinic and get your blood drawn for blood tests. While you're there you'll also need to get some sample cups which you'll fill later.

Step 4: Fill said cups (yes - both are needed) and return them to the clinic

Step 5: Pick up your police report (plan on a few hours again)

Step 6: Pick up your health report

Step 7: Be asked to find an original of your birth certificate

Step 8: Search high and low with no success

Step 9: Ask at your previous place of employment for a copy of your birth certificate

Step 10: Find out from them that you don't in fact need your birth certificate because immigration already has it.

Step 11: Take health and police reports to cancilleria to get them authenticated

Step 12: While at cancilleria they'll tell you to go to yet another police department and health center to get the official documents before they can authenticate them

Step 13: Talk to someone who knows what they're doing and who calls immigration on your behalf. Find out that you don't in fact need anything authenticated, don't need to go to cancilleria, and only need to get the official health certificate

Step 14: Get stuck in a traffic jam that doesn't move for an hour - turn around and come back home.

Step 15: Put it off for another day.